dark side of the soul

have you ever think that it's better if tomorrow you go out and then there's a train hit your body? or wishing you slip and then fall from a bridge? cause I've been thinking about it yesterday and also today maybe. but I was thinking, I haven't finish my college yet, I haven't taste my future dreams and also I haven't seen Bruno Mars concert, it's not worth it to die right now. then what would you do when you fell into the deepest black hole? nothing,right? all you can do is trying to survive by yourself, try to make yourself happy with the things that you like, try to forget everything in your mind, looking for something who can distract you from your problems. yeah, that's it..cause no one can help you! yes you have bestfriends, but will you share your embarrassing problems with them? hell no..biggest problem never easy to tell, you even hard to explain it. all you want is runaway from it, but how? all you need is how to solve the problem and you can't find out how you can do that !! I believe there's a way, you just can't see it clearly now but you can see it soon. how soon? just see..


 the people that you love all gone one by one, you left alone. what are you gonna doing? starring at the rain and wondering you own this world but no one lives here? ooh yes, maybe there's a person beside you, but would they care about you? at least knowing that you're standing there, I don't think so. but at the end of the day, you will grow up as a strong and independent person, a tough person and a better person. because with all the pressure that you take, you'll learn by mistakes, you won't let it happen in the future or even let it happen to your child if you're having a children one day. it gets better but it's up to you, just like adam lambert's said. maybe so far you're being so patient everytime people around you told you about their problems, you always being a good listener, but are they standing next to you and telling you that everything's gonna be ok when you need it the most? no one can guarantee it and you don't mind. but you have a boundaries, you have a limit of being patient. and one day you blew it up, you let it out everything when people shouting at you about their problems? what would happen?

they blame you as the one who have a fault even your not. it's misunderstanding, but it would be no forgiven. all you can do is crying and hidding under your blanket, guessing when it would be over, trying to calm yourself and tell yourself that everything's gonna be alright. the one who can change everything and make everything to be better is just one person, and it's yourself! you're the only one who can make it through, not your bestfriends,your boyfriend,your family..no,it's just you. no matter sad you are, no matter how desperate you are, you're the only one who can change those things.the thing is, you can always find some happy things even in your worst day ever. maybe it's a really simple things but it can make you smile. you know what? you can laugh but it's happened to me, I'm in my worst day ever and trying to make me smile which is impossible but I opened my mention/twitter inbox or whatever you say it and I saw Phil Younghusband tweeted to me and I smiled! I'm happy only because he tweeted me. he's one of philippines football player. see.. you can even smile only with a simple things. when you found out life is cruel, you'll find out too there's a sweet side of your life. I don't know how could I typing all this stuff in the time I couldn't solve my own problems. but it's like I point myself into the mirror. you"re not alone..there's a people out there who have a same problems like yours or even worst. so don't give up on your life, it's not the end of the world. searching something good who can make you happy in your new world. it's so damn hard when you know your life is changing, but I believe there's a miracle who can save you and give you a map or even GPS for you to live your life :)